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Eve's punishment.
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Planting The Seed

naughty godW
hen you consider it from a rational perspective God's punishment of Eve was a hot, steaming bowl of WTF. Any normal deity might have grounded her for a week or simply rapped her on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. But, no. Instead, He Who Made all Things burdened her innards with the fate of the entire human race. Seems suspiciously specific if you ask me. Almost as if women in a pre-technological society were already bearing children and needed a comforting explanation as to the mystery of it all.

Call me skeptical.

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looperAfter last week's abysmal experience with The Dark Knight I'm pleased to offer a mini-review of two vastly superior films... Looper and Premium Rush.

The former concerns organized crime's use of time travel as a convenient way of dumping bodies, a machine, in this case, which looks like it cost the effects department all of $29.99.

The main character is a murderous, whoring, drug-addict but he's played by that nice kid from Third Rock From the Sun so he's a nice murderous, whoring, drug-addict. There's also minor nudity, which is okay, too. I'm happy to report that there were several moments that made me go "Whoa! That was cool!", and we can always use more of those.

Any movie that employs time travel is already suspect but if you ignore the massive resultant paradoxes in both plot structure and physics it's a blast to watch.

The second movie, Premium Rush, is a tasty brew of bicycle delivery men, psycho cops, and American immigration policies. It, too, stars the Third Rock kid and is pure popcorn-eatin' fun from first frame to final credits.

Rent these movies.

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I have a cat who's very intelligent, you know, for a cat. She's 14-years-old and for the first three years of her life it was just her and me so she never knew that she was just a cat. She clearly understands more than 20 words and can even parse simple sentences. (Favorite word: "Milk". Least Favorite Phrase: "Come here.")

One of her little tricks is to open the baseboard kitchen cabinets and make a nuisance of herself among the crockery, occasionally (very occasionally) employing whatever she can find in there as her personal toilet. As you might guess this is a problem so I added magnetic catches to the doors, but she figured out how to pop those pretty quickly. It was time to get tough so this past weekend I went down to Big Box and bought a pack of safety latches, the kind meant to keep young children out of such places.

When I got home I placed the box of latches on the kitchen table and went to fetch some tools to do my manly chores. I returned a few moments later to find she had emerged from hiding, climbed up on the table, discovered my purchase, and puked all over it.

Not just near the box and not just a simple hairball. It was a spectacular volume of clear liquid and semi-dry cat food right on the very top. A direct hit, a feline drone-strike, an editorial comment, a "Hell no!" if I ever saw one.

That's my little girl.

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And our Chart of the Day: Annualized Growth of Federal Spending

annualized growth of federal spending

=Lefty=

end rant


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Today's Google Chow.

God: Hmmm, what’s the grossest thing I can possibly imagine? Ah! I know!

God: You hafta grow squirming, six-pound genetic copies of yourself in your belly and then poop them out like bowling balls... through your wee-wee!

Eve: You really need to get a girlfriend.






Overturn Citizens United